Keeping up With the JonesesDVD - 2016
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Ten years, 30 countries, nobody finds us out, and we couldn't even last a week in suburbia!
You look amazing. But you have to fit in. I mean, it's called being undercover. I mean, you had no problem wearing a burqa in Kabul.
-But this is the suburbs! It's hard. Don't you get it? Women here are vicious.
Just remember to leave the cul-de-sac, every now and again. You'd be surprised at what you find out there.
In Chinese, for example. They don't even have a word for a street like this.
-What? For cul-de-sac?
No. No. I mean, they would say... Which is, loosely, "happy place of heart and mind."
Well, you kinda throw like a girl. But when a girl is as beautiful as you she doesn't have to be good.
You know how hard it is to raise four children on a rocket scientist's salary?
-Oh, God! Shut up, you idiot!
No! You shut up, Lady Macbeth! Okay. You're the one who pushed me into this, you know that? With all your constant demands and trendy needs.
-I did not tell you to go on xxyyzz and make a deal with an arms dealer!
Well, you didn't tell me not to. Jeff... I was at the end of my rope. The financial pressure was crazy. Groceries and tutors and... I got four kids under 13 in braces. Do you understand? Do you, Jeff?
-- I do. You know I do. I mean... if kids have crooked teeth, we can't have crooked teeth in this society.
This isn't Great Britain, you know?
There's all sorts of things you have to keep up with and... New tires for the minivan, piano lessons, you know, and, because all that...
You can't possibly care about this loser.
-You know what? I actually do care about this loser. I mean, you and I live in a world where everybody lies. And everybody hides everything and obfuscates. But, not... Not Jeff Gaffney. Jeff doesn't live in that world. He's an honest person. He's forthright, he's friendly. He's a good neighbor. Do you have any idea how much courage that takes? Real courage? For my money, he's the bravest guy in this room.
Honey, I can't hear anything.
-They're silent killers. That's how they got Bin Laden.
I know I'm not the best listener, but I can change.
-What? You don't think I can?
No, no, no. I know you can. Just don't change too much, okay?
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